Comments:

• The topic is strong, but the main argument wasn’t super clear at first. Try making it more obvious that dragons reflect cultural values over time.
• Some sentences were repetitive or wordy, especially in the introduction. Tightening them would help make your ideas clearer.
• Your structure is really good. I just would suggest smoother transitions between ideas.
• You had really strong examples, but sometimes they were just described. You should try and add a bit more explanation about why the differences matter.
• A few phrases seemed a bit informal. I would adjust them to make them sound more academic but still natural. 
• I fixed a few small issues like repeated words and punctuation. Watch for small spelling mistakes.